Posts Tagged ‘religion’

Above average stupidity

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

CHARLIE BIG POTATOES here introducing the first of my, hem hem, chums. This is Moncur the Monkey he (says) he is from Colintraive, which is miles away, so what’s he doing here say I? He is a holy fool and he doesn’t have ought, not even a brain. He used to have a fishing rod, £10, and an oilrig, but I, hem hem, ‘acquired’ them all.  He believes this fibre optic tubby Santa is God, even though I tell him it is more likely to be Lady Gaga, as I met her at a fashion shoot and she is very similar. Although, I have to say, my dears, that the fibre optic tubby Santa is tres charmant whereas Ms Gaga is a tad de trop. Moncur is a simple fellow – okay, a simpleton – who lives in a constant state of fuddled bewilderment and awe. Usually occasioned by the speed with which I manage to ‘obtain’ and, hem, recycle anything he gets his greasy paws on. Like I say, he has the brains of a prune that has been boiled in tea and likes nothing more than lying in the garden on a hand of bananas with the sun on his furry jowls.