Charlie Big Potatoes 5


Hello fans! Charlie Big Potatoes here! Above is a picture of my new pop combo – Horrible Sexy Vampires (you can call us The Sexies for short). Moncur the Monkey cannot play the banjolele he is affecting; he is merely holding it for the purposes of the photo, a bit like that Sid Vicious from the Sex Pistols. Note too his vacant expression, he is no doubt thinking of banana flavoured marshmallows or the time he failed that audition to become the PG Tips monkey because he was too bedraggled. I have sent him to my tailor in Jermyn Street, but he threatened to defrock me for life, and sent Moncur packing with (another) flea in his ear. Chocolate Ted, on the other hand, is a dab hand at tinkling the ivories. His piano is painted black to match his black black heart, which is a palpating muscle made from purist evil – all of which, thankfully for yours truly, is directed at the buffoon Monkey, who he attempts to murder once every calendar month. Ted is deputy leader of The Sexies and takes over when I take one of my frequent holidays at ‘her majesty’s pleasure’, for, ahem, insider trading. I am lead singer and play the Aeolian wind harp, electrified violincello, serpentine bassoon and the sarrusophone. The picture is us at Thornton Watlass Ex-Servicemen’s Club, performing my our biggest hit – Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I’ve Been A Liar All My Life?

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3 Responses to “Charlie Big Potatoes 5”

  1. Mr MacK says:

    Were the Horrible Sexy Vampires not a poptastic Edinburgh group from the 80s? What ever became of them????

  2. the real Charlie Big Tatties says:

    Ahahahahaaah bet that band sounds better than the shower o posers ah went tae see in 1980. They were so far up their own arses you could see the bullshit on the soles o their clogs.

  3. HELLO MR MACK,
    THINK YOU’LL FIND THAT I BOUGHT THE RIGHTS TO THE NAME, AHEM, FAIR AND SQUARE, FROM A SOFT PORN DIRECTOR CALLED BUCK DANGLER IN SOHO.
    I KNOW NOUGHT OF ‘POPTASTIC GROUPS FROM THE 80S’, BUT THE FELLOW ABOVE DOES…WOULD THAT BE ONE CHARLES SKINNER?

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